THE SIDE CHICK COMMANDMENTS

Over the past week, we’ve heard some rumors about Knick star Carmelo Anthony impregnating a dancer behind his wife’s (LaLa) back.   We are not 100% sure how true this is, but if it is, then this isn’t new.

Over the past couple of years, the following men have gotten their side chicks pregnant behind their wives/girlfriends back.  Every single last one of these names as well as their situations should sound familiar:

Peter Gunz

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Ludacris

Chris Brown

Dwayne Wade

Reggie Bush

Tom Brady

Jesse Jackson

Kirk Frost

Nick Young

Matthew Knowles

The list is probably wayyyy longer but these names were the main ones that popped up in my google feed.

I am well aware that this happens all day with regular guys, but I just chose to showcase the celebrity men that it’s happened to.  Why? Because men (especially celebrity men) have been doing this for years.   One would just think they would be smarter only because they’re in the spotlight which doubles their chances of getting caught.  But no, I guess money doesn’t make a difference, men will be men right?  It just seems to be an issue, so I thought I’d write some commandments (from a woman’s point of view) that men should stick to, to assure this this horrible cycle come to an end.

Listen up guys:

  • Never express feelings or say you love her.  When feelings get involved then mistakes happen.
  • You should ONLY be paying for cab rides and maybe some food (and by that I mean fast food: Burger King, McDonalds, Chiptole, Dos Torros, Popeyes, you get the gist).  If you are paying for her mani/pedi, her rent, car payments, con ed, cable, her kids day care, her weave/extensions, then you minus well make shorty your main girl.  What I never understood about this is, how the hell can you manage it?  You have enough bills to worry about.  A grown ass (working) woman can take care of her own family, as should you.
  • If you live with your girlfriend/wife NEVER invite her to your house.  This would be her opportunity to leave something behind so you can get caught.
  • Maybe this should have been #3 but she should not even know where you live.  What if you two get into an argument and she decides to be petty (which most women are), and she decides to take a trip and in 4.5 seconds your whole life is in shambles, and the neighbors know all of your business.
  • NEVER hit it raw.  This probably should have been number one, because this seems to be the main problem with the guys mentioned above.  You should make sure the side chick has birth control, if not you should carry a stack of condoms.  Of course an unfortunate event may occur, like the condom breaking (hey it happens, we’ve all been there) but then you should pull out some Plan B pills and watch her take em.  I’d want to see the pill go down her throat and I’d ask for her to pull her tongue up and everything.  Be diligent you guys, cmon.
  • NEVER introduce her to anyone you know.  That means friends, acquaintances, family, hell even the homeless person that sits in front of your building.  The less people that know about her the better.  That is the point of a side chick, she is supposed to be a secret.
  • NEVER spend the night with her.  She honestly should not be getting any more than 3-4 hours of your time.  This limits both of you from getting comfortable with each other and catching feelings.
  • You should NOT be friends with/follow her on ANY social media accounts.  That’s how you get caught, because FB is a savage and will inform other people when you have accepted a new friend, then people will question how you know this “new friend”.  All you should have is her cell number, that’s all you need.  And even with that, make sure you change your code on your cell phone every time you are around her, some side chicks like to be slick and go through your phone.  That’s how random texts and calls are sent to the girl/wife, then you have to explain why you have a random chick anywhere near a phone that YOU pay the bill for.
  • There should be NO dates.  No movies, no fancy dinner, no going to the top of the empire state building to look at the stars.  That romantic activity is what you do with your girl/wife.
  • NEVER EVER downplay your relationship because that’s what you think she wants to hear.  Men have a real problem with doing that, and don’t seem to realize it makes your girl/wife feel and look stupid (if/when she finds out).  Don’t tell the side chick you can’t stand your significant other, that you plan on leaving her, that you are just there for the kids, or even call her names in front of the side chick.  She shouldn’t know whats going on in your home, even if you DO have one foot out the door.  That’s NOT her business, she’s not your therapist or your homey, so you shouldn’t treat her as such.

I think I got everything, if not what did I miss?

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8 thoughts on “THE SIDE CHICK COMMANDMENTS

  1. Honey you could tattoo this list on their forehead and they STILL won’t listen. Lol They might as well just be single so none of this applies. But if I could add something to the list it would be to not leave any receipts of any kind. Meaning texts messages or phone call logs. He probably should get a non traceable flip phone that he only calls her from with one of those voice changing options. Lol

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Girl these men just don’t care anymore. They have too much to lose to be so darn sloppy with it! This side chick Business has gotten wayy out of hand! I have a post I was thinking of putting up about it too..

    Liked by 2 people

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